So, while I wrote the last blog post, I was unintentionally doing some brainstorming.
Here's the dilemma:
1) I want to homeschool. Stinka made up about 6 months worth of school during the 2 1/2 months of Summer vacation. I know she is smart, and I know she can catch up to her age group of peers.
2) I can't quit my job to home school, and I don't mean that I don't want to quit... literally I am not allowed to quit.
3) I do not live near any family members that can help me.
My solution? We are getting an Au Pair. I added up the cost of private school, native language tutoring, and the occasional babysitter, then I compared all the expenses associated with an Au Pair. I always thought an Au Pair would be way beyond our means, but that's because you look at the final yearly sum up front. When it's divided out monthly, it's only like $250 more per month. We would be able to see her more too. My scheduled is very erratic, because I work 12 1/2 hour shifts. I also work every other weekend. There are so many times that I do not get to see Stinka, because when I leave for work, she is still in bed. When I get home from work, she is going back to bed. I hate it! On my off days, she is in school, so I only see her for about 5 hours in the evenings. I didn't go all the way to her country to have other people raise my child! So, I think an extra $250 per month is worth it to see my child more, and to try to attempt getting her placed with her same age peers. We figure if this fails completely, we can just put her back in second grade next year (where she would be anyway without intervention), and we'd get to see her more. I made sure that the Au Pair we selected speaks Stinka's native language. It has always been important to us that she maintains it. I also think she'll finally have time to start those piano lessons she has been asking for. We are very excited about what this year will bring. I can't wait to blog about her progress.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Very irritated
I've had a couple days to stew about this one, but I'm still very irritated.
Here's a short backstory.... Before I brought Stinka home, I had checked out several private schools in the area. The public schools were out of the question, due to where we live. If we lived in some other school district, she might have gone to public school. Anyway, I thought we would be bringing her home in the summer time. We went on our first visit the first week of June, and we had our court dossier submitted to the court the first week of July - except the judge went on vacation from mid-July to the end of August. We ended up having court in September and coming home October 7th. This was when we fully realized that our Stinka hadn't had even a DAY of schooling. She literally just played. all. day. long. She didn't know her ABCs in ANY language. Oh geez... I knew this was going to be a long road. Here is a nearly 8 year old who hadn't been educated on ANYTHING! It blew my mind. Anyway, (this is supposed to be the short version, haha). I called the school we had been contacting all summer and asked if they would still take her with no English, no knowledge, nothing, and they said, "We'll figure it out."
Well, according to her age, she was supposed to be in 2nd grade, but we knew that would never happen. During a meeting with the principal, we decided to put her in 1st grade. Well, within two days, I found out she had been moved to the Kindergarten classroom. I was upset they didn't tell me first. I guess they told Hubby that morning after morning assembly, and he hadn't had a chance to tell me, but I was mad. When would they move her back to 1st grade? Now, she was two grades behind. Well, it took me quite a few months before I conceded that maybe it was best that she was in Kindergarten. I slowly began to realize that she was socially and emotionally as mature as a 3-4 year old. Finally by late Spring, we felt that Stinka was caught up to her grade level socially and emotionally. That's when we saw her academics take off. When she finished Kindergarten, she was very much at the bottom of her Kindergarten class.
Since it was Summer, and Stinka had no concept of Summer break, Hubby and I took the opportunity to continue school every day. We had about 3-4 hours of schools, roughly 4 times per week. Watching her grow academically was so rewarding. Even Hubby's dad tutored her while Hubby and I were at work when he came for a week and a half in June. When she went to stay with my mom this summer, she even got in on it. She tutoring Stinka, my neice, and nephew for about 2-3 hours every day. Everyone was helping and everyone was cheering her on. We all wanted her to start school in 2nd grade or have her moved up shortly after school started.
Well, we found out the day before the school luncheon that she got the 1st grade teacher that we don't like, and most of her friends are in the other 1st grade class. After the school luncheon, we met with her teacher for about 15 minutes to talk to her. We told her all about the progress Stinka had made, and anecdotally about how she still speaks her native language too. Her new teacher told us that we'd better put a halt to her native language lessons if we wanted her to do well in school. EXCUSE ME!! She's been excelling at learning a variety of everything. I think that if she would've gotten the other teacher and she would've been with her friends, we would've been more hesitant to move her. But now, we were even more serious about moving her to 2nd grade. Not to mention, in the classroom the first two weeks, they were reviewing basic concepts and doing color by number (1-5) and ABC stuff. I mean, Stinka has been adding, subtracting, and telling time for weeks now! She was actually in the top of her class now!!! Hubby and I were feeling more and more empowered about moving her to 2nd grade now. The resource teacher asked to meet with us concerning Stinka's 504 plan (repeat directions, allow more time, shorten assignments as necessary, allow more breaks, etc.), so we felt this was the best time to present our ideas...
We got stonewalled. For 15 minutes, the resource teacher shot down everything I had to say. "But she's confident in 1st grade." "She has lots of friends." "You wouldn't want to hurt her self-esteem." "Is this what you want, or is this what's best for your daughter?" I'm sorry, I don't think it's best for my daughter to be a 14 year old girl with boobs with a bunch of 12 year old boys. I don't think it's best for my daughter to drive to 8th grade or graduate at 20, because these are the realities she's facing being 2 grades behind. Then, she told a story about how her mom tried to move her up, and she ended up getting held back. I got angrier and angrier. I said, "We can't just keep saying we'll do it 'later.' When is later anyway?" I'm embarrased to say that I was yelling at one point, because she wouldn't listen to me. Hubby sat quiet in disbelief. I threatened to withdraw her from school if she wasn't moved up by Christmas. Finally, she realized that this was my line in the sand. She finally said, "What exactly do you want to happen?" And I told her that I want tangible goals that we can accomplish and steps that need to be taken to ensure that Stinka would finish the year in 2nd grade. She finally conceeded and said she would make a plan.
I had finally gotten somewhere with the resource teacher, when in walked her 1st grade teacher. Oh boy... Now, the resource teacher and the 1st grade teacher ganged up on us. I got to hear all over again what a bad idea this was going to be. Then, because Hubby had been too quiet, they tried to get him to go against me, "Mr. XXXX, do you feel like this is best for your daughter?" WTF??? My yelling hit new decibels. Then, they tried to take credit for Stinka's progress. "Well, we got her caught up, and she should just enjoy it for a while and build self-confidence. She doesn't really know the difference in grades anyway." Ummm.... YOU did not get her caught up. She left Kindergarten last in her class. I tutored her all Summer. And yes, after the first 15 people asked her if she was going into 3rd grade, she asked me if she was supposed to be in 3rd grade. Then, we had to have a big conversation about why she was behind, and how it was no one's fault she didn't go to school in her home country. So, yes, she does realize that she's 8 1/2 with a bunch of 6 year olds. Additionally, everytime someone has a birthday party, and she see's a big 6 on the cake when she's already 8, she puts it together. She's a smart kid! Then, I told them that I'm okay with her finishing 2nd grade behind the other kids, because I would tutor her next Summer too. And, I wouldn't just move her to 2nd grade and pat myself on the back. I would continue to tutor her at home too. I went into our tutoring schedule: after school she has a snack, then we do some tutoring, then we go for a run, then more tutoring, then dinner, then a book before bed. I got looks of horror from both of them. "Does she get to play? Does she have toys?" Again, WTF??? Yes, she has a whole half of a queen sized bed full of stuffed animals. She has toys stuffed all over her room. We do tutoring everywhere. We're not just doing worksheets. I randomly ask her to tell me the time. We work with spelling and vowels in the bathtub with foam letters. Finally, her teacher tells me to stop yelling, and says that we can't just move her up, we need to take steps. HELLO!! Welcome to Earth, that's all I was asking for in the first place. But oh no, it must be their idea. Similar to how they caught Stinka up in school.
I am so angry right now. I wish I could home school her this year. I agree that she needed last year in school to get socially and emotionally caught up to the other children, but now I feel that I could educate her better and on a more accelerated course. I would have her finishing the year with 2nd grade material. Ughhh... my stupid job that I cannot quit :( I wish she could do school part-time at least. I kept Stinka home from school today. I had to work Saturday, Sunday, and Monday when everyone else had a 3 day holiday weekend. I miss her, and I don't want her wasting time in school with coloring sheets, when we can go to the park and talk about adjectives.
This whole situation puts a whole other dilemma on our plates. The little boy we want to pursue just turned 7 this past summer. By the time we complete the adoption, he would likely be 8. He should be starting 3rd grade. Would we have to put him in Kindergarten? Would I have to be back yelling and fighting for just one grade level different? He can't be three years behind. What if he had legitimate learning disabilities (not an issue for me), but would the school see that as a reason to keep him from moving ahead? And let me tell you that this private school was MUCH nicer about things than the public school here was. I had to fight them for a meeting to discuss Stinka's issues and to issue her a 504 plan. It just makes things extremely complicated. Hubby and I have been discussing the implications of adopting another older child. Our hearts are in it, but I'm beginning to think we should go for a younger (5-6 y/o) child, that might only end up being one grade behind. But then, I feel guilty as though I'm trying to take the easy way out. I am so conflicted. Part of me says don't get a younger child just because it'll be easier dealing with the school, but the other part of me says, it really doesn't matter which child you choose and from where, because they all equally deserve to be saved. There are really just too many children without homes. My heart breaks for them :(
Here's a short backstory.... Before I brought Stinka home, I had checked out several private schools in the area. The public schools were out of the question, due to where we live. If we lived in some other school district, she might have gone to public school. Anyway, I thought we would be bringing her home in the summer time. We went on our first visit the first week of June, and we had our court dossier submitted to the court the first week of July - except the judge went on vacation from mid-July to the end of August. We ended up having court in September and coming home October 7th. This was when we fully realized that our Stinka hadn't had even a DAY of schooling. She literally just played. all. day. long. She didn't know her ABCs in ANY language. Oh geez... I knew this was going to be a long road. Here is a nearly 8 year old who hadn't been educated on ANYTHING! It blew my mind. Anyway, (this is supposed to be the short version, haha). I called the school we had been contacting all summer and asked if they would still take her with no English, no knowledge, nothing, and they said, "We'll figure it out."
Well, according to her age, she was supposed to be in 2nd grade, but we knew that would never happen. During a meeting with the principal, we decided to put her in 1st grade. Well, within two days, I found out she had been moved to the Kindergarten classroom. I was upset they didn't tell me first. I guess they told Hubby that morning after morning assembly, and he hadn't had a chance to tell me, but I was mad. When would they move her back to 1st grade? Now, she was two grades behind. Well, it took me quite a few months before I conceded that maybe it was best that she was in Kindergarten. I slowly began to realize that she was socially and emotionally as mature as a 3-4 year old. Finally by late Spring, we felt that Stinka was caught up to her grade level socially and emotionally. That's when we saw her academics take off. When she finished Kindergarten, she was very much at the bottom of her Kindergarten class.
Since it was Summer, and Stinka had no concept of Summer break, Hubby and I took the opportunity to continue school every day. We had about 3-4 hours of schools, roughly 4 times per week. Watching her grow academically was so rewarding. Even Hubby's dad tutored her while Hubby and I were at work when he came for a week and a half in June. When she went to stay with my mom this summer, she even got in on it. She tutoring Stinka, my neice, and nephew for about 2-3 hours every day. Everyone was helping and everyone was cheering her on. We all wanted her to start school in 2nd grade or have her moved up shortly after school started.
Well, we found out the day before the school luncheon that she got the 1st grade teacher that we don't like, and most of her friends are in the other 1st grade class. After the school luncheon, we met with her teacher for about 15 minutes to talk to her. We told her all about the progress Stinka had made, and anecdotally about how she still speaks her native language too. Her new teacher told us that we'd better put a halt to her native language lessons if we wanted her to do well in school. EXCUSE ME!! She's been excelling at learning a variety of everything. I think that if she would've gotten the other teacher and she would've been with her friends, we would've been more hesitant to move her. But now, we were even more serious about moving her to 2nd grade. Not to mention, in the classroom the first two weeks, they were reviewing basic concepts and doing color by number (1-5) and ABC stuff. I mean, Stinka has been adding, subtracting, and telling time for weeks now! She was actually in the top of her class now!!! Hubby and I were feeling more and more empowered about moving her to 2nd grade now. The resource teacher asked to meet with us concerning Stinka's 504 plan (repeat directions, allow more time, shorten assignments as necessary, allow more breaks, etc.), so we felt this was the best time to present our ideas...
We got stonewalled. For 15 minutes, the resource teacher shot down everything I had to say. "But she's confident in 1st grade." "She has lots of friends." "You wouldn't want to hurt her self-esteem." "Is this what you want, or is this what's best for your daughter?" I'm sorry, I don't think it's best for my daughter to be a 14 year old girl with boobs with a bunch of 12 year old boys. I don't think it's best for my daughter to drive to 8th grade or graduate at 20, because these are the realities she's facing being 2 grades behind. Then, she told a story about how her mom tried to move her up, and she ended up getting held back. I got angrier and angrier. I said, "We can't just keep saying we'll do it 'later.' When is later anyway?" I'm embarrased to say that I was yelling at one point, because she wouldn't listen to me. Hubby sat quiet in disbelief. I threatened to withdraw her from school if she wasn't moved up by Christmas. Finally, she realized that this was my line in the sand. She finally said, "What exactly do you want to happen?" And I told her that I want tangible goals that we can accomplish and steps that need to be taken to ensure that Stinka would finish the year in 2nd grade. She finally conceeded and said she would make a plan.
I had finally gotten somewhere with the resource teacher, when in walked her 1st grade teacher. Oh boy... Now, the resource teacher and the 1st grade teacher ganged up on us. I got to hear all over again what a bad idea this was going to be. Then, because Hubby had been too quiet, they tried to get him to go against me, "Mr. XXXX, do you feel like this is best for your daughter?" WTF??? My yelling hit new decibels. Then, they tried to take credit for Stinka's progress. "Well, we got her caught up, and she should just enjoy it for a while and build self-confidence. She doesn't really know the difference in grades anyway." Ummm.... YOU did not get her caught up. She left Kindergarten last in her class. I tutored her all Summer. And yes, after the first 15 people asked her if she was going into 3rd grade, she asked me if she was supposed to be in 3rd grade. Then, we had to have a big conversation about why she was behind, and how it was no one's fault she didn't go to school in her home country. So, yes, she does realize that she's 8 1/2 with a bunch of 6 year olds. Additionally, everytime someone has a birthday party, and she see's a big 6 on the cake when she's already 8, she puts it together. She's a smart kid! Then, I told them that I'm okay with her finishing 2nd grade behind the other kids, because I would tutor her next Summer too. And, I wouldn't just move her to 2nd grade and pat myself on the back. I would continue to tutor her at home too. I went into our tutoring schedule: after school she has a snack, then we do some tutoring, then we go for a run, then more tutoring, then dinner, then a book before bed. I got looks of horror from both of them. "Does she get to play? Does she have toys?" Again, WTF??? Yes, she has a whole half of a queen sized bed full of stuffed animals. She has toys stuffed all over her room. We do tutoring everywhere. We're not just doing worksheets. I randomly ask her to tell me the time. We work with spelling and vowels in the bathtub with foam letters. Finally, her teacher tells me to stop yelling, and says that we can't just move her up, we need to take steps. HELLO!! Welcome to Earth, that's all I was asking for in the first place. But oh no, it must be their idea. Similar to how they caught Stinka up in school.
I am so angry right now. I wish I could home school her this year. I agree that she needed last year in school to get socially and emotionally caught up to the other children, but now I feel that I could educate her better and on a more accelerated course. I would have her finishing the year with 2nd grade material. Ughhh... my stupid job that I cannot quit :( I wish she could do school part-time at least. I kept Stinka home from school today. I had to work Saturday, Sunday, and Monday when everyone else had a 3 day holiday weekend. I miss her, and I don't want her wasting time in school with coloring sheets, when we can go to the park and talk about adjectives.
This whole situation puts a whole other dilemma on our plates. The little boy we want to pursue just turned 7 this past summer. By the time we complete the adoption, he would likely be 8. He should be starting 3rd grade. Would we have to put him in Kindergarten? Would I have to be back yelling and fighting for just one grade level different? He can't be three years behind. What if he had legitimate learning disabilities (not an issue for me), but would the school see that as a reason to keep him from moving ahead? And let me tell you that this private school was MUCH nicer about things than the public school here was. I had to fight them for a meeting to discuss Stinka's issues and to issue her a 504 plan. It just makes things extremely complicated. Hubby and I have been discussing the implications of adopting another older child. Our hearts are in it, but I'm beginning to think we should go for a younger (5-6 y/o) child, that might only end up being one grade behind. But then, I feel guilty as though I'm trying to take the easy way out. I am so conflicted. Part of me says don't get a younger child just because it'll be easier dealing with the school, but the other part of me says, it really doesn't matter which child you choose and from where, because they all equally deserve to be saved. There are really just too many children without homes. My heart breaks for them :(
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